The John Report: Talking Smack for 01/29/10 (Plus Rumble Preview)

The John Report: Talking Smack for 01/29/10 (Plus Rumble Preview)
Welcome to the Talking Smack column where I offer up a quick rundown of WWE’s Friday broadcast, Smackdown. This is going to be brief. Long story short, I was at a bachelor party in Niagara Falls. Started at about 4pm Friday. Ended at about 12pm Saturday. I slept two hours. Came home around 5pm, slept about 5 hours and now it’s past midnight Saturday night. I can’t sleep. I’m wired like never before. I’m on such a high. It was a great party and then I got some incredible news too (more on that later). At the end of the Smackdown review, which will be brief, I’m throwing in a link to my quickie Royal Rumble preview as well. It was already posted on my blog on Wednesday, but I’m putting it in here too in case you missed it. Let’s get to it.

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Taped from Cincinnati, Ohio let’s talk some smack…

DX started the show off. They were about to cut their typical promo when Rey Mysterio interrupted. He told Shawn he’s not going to face Undertaker for the belt because he (Mysterio) was going to win the belt at the Rumble. Punk, Gallows and the newly named Serena Mancini interrupted. There was some dialogue exchanged between HHH and Punk that was pretty good although Hunter did get his gay joke/insult in there of course. Hunter did great by referencing Amy Winehouse’s crack binge and the Britney Spears bald look that Serena is sporting. Teddy Long came out. He said the tag title match was off. Instead we’d get HHH vs. Punk and Michaels vs. Mysterio. Fine with me in terms of being good matches. I guess they’re going to wait a week or two to drop the titles.

By the way, I think it’s a mistake to do Michaels vs. Mysterio unadvertised. Mysterio’s a top draw on Smackdown especially with Latino viewers while more casual fans are going to tune to see a dream match like that for only the second time (happened at the Eddie tribute show). I’m assuming it went unadvertised because they decided on the match on Tuesday, after they promoted the tag on Raw. Or maybe I’m thinking too much. And we all know that thinking too much is not a good thing when it comes to WWE.

Triple H d. CM Punk via DQ (**1/4)
They got about 12 minutes. It was a solid TV match. I’d like to see a feud with them in these roles because the chemistry looked good. I thought for sure HHH was winning, but I’m happy with the DQ. Serena did a really good job of attacking HHH and the beatdown ensued. Michaels came out for the save, Punk put Serena in front of him and took off as Michaels nearly kicked her. He loves kicking females like that young girl back in his chef days. I thought Serena fit in very well in the group. She might quickly become a new favorite of mine. Oh, and the idea that somebody would cut HHH’s hair with a razor in a ring was unintentionally hilarious. That man loves his hair, people. Not gonna happen.

R-Truth d. Chris Jericho (**1/2)
Yes, Truth pinned Jericho clean on a counter jackknife pin to the Codebreaker in about 10 minutes. Jericho’s the most unselfish main eventer in the company. He probably suggests to lose these matches and then convinces Vince that they were his idea. It wouldn’t shock me. He sees the big picture. Not everybody does. The win doesn’t matter that much in the long run although I’d expect Jericho throw Truth out of the Rumble now. It would make sense. Also, Matt Striker singing R-Truth’s song was pretty great. It is a catchy tune, I have to admit.

Backstage, Josh talked to a golfer. Oh wait, it’s Batista wearing a pullover and a golfing hat. Who told him this was a good outfit? Weird. Typical heel promo from him.

Did You Know? At the end of this column I’ll be sharing the greatest picture ever.

Drew McIntyre d. John Morrison in a No DQ IC Title Match (***1/4)
They got about twelve minutes, plus the top of the hour spot in a loaded show. That’s a good sign. I wasn’t that impressed with McIntyre in the tag match last week. This week he impressed me again. He really busted his ass to keep up with Morrison while doing a good job of having realistic offensive moves. They’re calling his double arm DDT the “Future Shock” now, which is a good name. Works for me. The only thing that bugged me here was when Striker made it a point to say it was no countout along with no DQ. Of course it is. Why would there be a countout in a no DQ? And why not just call it a street fight? Oops, I’m asking questions again. Better stop. I assume the feud is over now with McIntyre moving onto a new opponent while Morrison hopefully moves up the card. Nobody in WWE deserves it more based on performance.

Michelle McCool came out. Her voice is pretty annoying. I think she went heel with it though, so that’s okay. They replayed the great segment from the week prior. She called out Mickie (more on her later). No sign of her until the music played and it was Layla dressed in a fat suit complete with a pig nose. This bombed. I didn’t laugh. It’s not just because Mickie’s a friend, either. It was a poor segment. Last week was a homerun. This was a strike out where the batter didn’t even swing his bat. (That’s a baseball analogy for you non North Americans). It was poor and the crowd shit all over it too. If Mickie came out to attack one of them at the end it would have made it worthwhile. Instead, we got nothing. It just ended. Weak. Oh well, the match will still be hot.

Batista the golfer bumped into Michaels. They talked about their tee time. Actually, they talked about the Rumble with Batista making threats. Hunter the DX Family Avenger showed up, he snarled a bit at Batista and the golfer walked off. It was just a quick promo for the Rumble.

Shawn Michaels vs. Rey Mysterio ended in a No Contest (****)
It’s right at four stars (out of five) for me, which is still great. They were given about 16 minutes. When was the last time any match on Raw was given something close to that? I have no idea. They really worked hard during the match with Michaels enjoying being the bigger guy for once. He chopped Rey a lot here. Mysterio came back with the speed quite a bit while Michaels did a lot of smart counters. The ending was fantastic with Mysterio hitting the 619 and then going for the springboard. This next sequence was a flashback to when Michaels superkicked Shelton Benjamin out of the sky for the win. He did it to Rey too, who sold it perfect. The timing was magnificent. I know people will say the Benjamin one was better because it was first and that’s true, but his was awesome as well. I would love to see this match on PPV. It would be a draw just because of who they are. As good as this match was, imagine if it happened in 1997 before both guys had multiple surgeries especially on their knees. After the superkick happened, Batista ran in for the no contest/dq/whatever you want to call it. No golfing hat in the ring, though. He means business.

Post match, Batista continued his attack when HHH saved. He clotheslined him so that he also went over the top and with Michaels & Mysterio laying the lights went out. They came on with Undertaker standing in the ring.

Three Stars of the Show
1. Shawn Michaels
2. Rey Mysterio
3. CM Punk

8 out of 10
Last week: 7

Awesome show. Four good matches that were given time is a success in my book. I don’t really care that HHH/Punk and Mysterio/HBK didn’t have finishes. They’re not necessary. They told the story in their matches. They worked hard. That’s what I want to see. The Morrison/McIntyre match was a very solid brawl. The only thing I didn’t like was the McCool/Layla bit because it was too over the top and didn’t really come off as funny to me. I’m not going up to the 9 because of the non-finishes. They were still good matches and not putting somebody over is fine. I just can’t give it a 9.

I don’t reach 8’s very much. This show deserved it, though. I love Smackdown and this week’s episode was a perfect example as to why.

I’m not really sure why my girl Mickie James wasn’t used on the show. All I know is this is the best sign ever. It beats The John Report sign from Raw.

Yes, it says “Hi John James-Canton” on the sign. See that? It’s visual proof that she approves of the name. Thanks to my boy David Kleber for the sign and the photo. What a guy. Best. Picture. Ever.

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I’ll add Commentfest Sunday in the AM. Too beat right now.

To read the quickie Rumble preview with poll results from Wednesday click RIGHT HERE.

I’ll likely have some kind of live post on my blog Sunday night during the show. I might update it throughout the night or post it immediately after it’s over. Either way, I will be covering the Royal Rumble exclusively on The John Report blog. Be there.

Thanks for reading.

John Canton – oratoryjohn@gmail.com
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