RAW this week starts with music and pyro.
There are three guys in the ring, one of which is rather fat. Vince comes down to the ring. Vince grabs a mic and has a smile on his face. He gets some heat and says that tonight’s main event is worthy of headlining WM, but it will be tonight. In one corner will be simply HHH. In the other corner is a great physical specimen – Vincent Kennedy McMahon. He guarran-damn-tees us he will win tonight.
He says actions speak louder than words and shows video clips of him beating down HHH in the past, usually with help.
He says he’s sure we’re wondering about the physical specimen before him. They are there to demonstrate three types of wrestling. The first is the a 4 time amateur wrestling champ. This one is a 5th degree Kempo champion. That man, the fat one, is the Ohio State Sumo Champion.
There will be a demonstration of what Vince is going to do to HHH tonight in whatever the name of the town their in tonight.
Vince takes of his jacket and tie. All three are ready to attack. But, rather than him demonstrate, he’s going to have Umaga demonstrate what he will do to HHH at NM.
Umaga comes out and enters the ring. A kick to the Sumo wrestler’s face and then tosses the amateur into the corner and throws punches. A kick tp the Kempo guy’s gut. He stomps Sumo then bum slams Amateur. He then bum slams Kempo. Sumo is still face down on the mat. Umaga gets him to his feet and hits the Samoan spike on him.
Vince celebrates with Umaga in the ring.
Umaga then hits a Samoan drop on Kempo.
Jeff Hardy comes out, London and Kendrick are with him. They enter the ring together for a 6 Man Tag Match. Cade and Murdoch come out with Shelton in tow.
London and Murdoch tie up. An inverted atomic drop and a hurricanrana to Murdoch. Kendrick comes in with a baseball slide and covers for two. Shelton tags in and takes Kendrick down with a gut buster. Cade tags in and slams Kendrick down. Murdoch tags in and chops away and Kendrick. A chinlock on Kendrick. Kendrick punches out and hits a dropkick. Jeff tags in and takes down Cade who tagged in. Jeff takes him apart and then hits whisper in the wind. Jeff climbs but Shelton pulls him to a painful sitting position. London flies at Shelton out of nowhere and flattens Shelton. Kendrick drops Cade, Jeff hits a swanton and covers for three.
– Winners: Jeff Hardy, London & Kendrick
Regal is out back in an office on the phone. Vince enters and hugs him, calling him the GM of RAW. Vince says Coach is under the weather tonight. They talk about how Cena will be facing Kennedy tonight. That match is second only to Vince’s tonight. Vince asks Regal a personal favor. He wants Regal to watch after his son. Regal asks, “Shane?” Vince says no, and Hornswoggle shows up. Vince leaves and Regal looks around for a missing Hornswoggle. Regal gets frantic.
Video of Orton attacking Cena Sr. and kicked him in the head at the PPV.
Orton is on satellite. JR asks why he’s not there. Orton says he personally elected to night be there, he’s waiting in Chicago. He doesn’t want to deal with Cena in the state of mind Cena’s in. Orton wants to see the video of himself kicking Cena Sr. in the head again. They show it. Then they show the video of Cena Sr’s match against Orton. Orton says he did what he did for a reason. Cena Sr. wasn’t standing two weeks ago, the way Cena won’t be standing at NM. He asks how Cena’s head is, does he have his strategy set. Orton says he will do what it takes to have that belt around his waist.
There are some Cleveland Indians in the front row.
JR talks about the Diva Search and they show video of the girls doing the obstacle course. One will be eliminated tonight.
Regal is out back still looking for Hornswoggle. He asks the Highlanders if he seen him. They say no. He then asks why they turned down a match with London and Kendrick. They said they want a title match. They came to become the Tag Team Champs, and will be doing it whether Regal likes it or not.
Cody Rhodes comes down to the ring. Video of his match last week with Hardcore Holly. Holly comes out to face Cody again.
They lock up and Cody briefly gets a side headlock on Holly. He gets slammed down. An arm drag to Holly. An arm bar to Holly. Holly takes Cody down with a dropkick. Cody gets backed into a corner and kneed in the gut. Chops from Holly. A backslide and Cody gets a two count. Cody then gets an inside cradle for two. Cody rolls Holly up for two. An Alabama slam and Cody gets covered for three.
– Winner: Hardcore Holly
Holly stands over Cody and looks down at him. Holly shakes his head a bit.
Beth comes out in a silver corset and black micro-mini. She’s wearing boots with heels, so I guess she’s not wrestling. She tells Lillian to stay because she wants to say something to Lillian and everyone else. She says that she’s the Glamazon. That means she’s as beautiful as she is dangerous. It’s just time until she beats Candice.
She wants Lillian to announce her as the new champion. Lillian does it, but says it’s assuming she can beat Candice.
Beth grabs Lillian’s wrist and asks how she will promote her new CD with a crushed throat. She starts choking Lillian.
Candy comes rushing out in jeans and a red tiny tank and attacks Beth. She’s all over Beth, driving her from the ring. Beth screams from the ramp.
HHH is getting read out back.
Video of Umaga beating down the three guys at the start of the show.
They showed the Matrix style video again. This time the main theme was “savior.self”, from what I could see.
Lillian struggles to announce Vince. Vince grabs a mic and says he wants to remind us all, and HHH, of a recent incident. Video of HHH beating Umaga with a chair and then the sledge. Lillian then announces HHH. Vince cuts off HHH part way through his posing. Vince wants to know where the ref is as there isn’t one in the ring. Vince is hanging out on the apron. Carlito’s music and he comes out in a striped shirt. Vince enters the ring.
Vince gives Carlito directions. “HHH” chants. Vince makes Carlito check over HHH, but Vince hits a cheap shot when he does. Vince makes Carlito back HHH into a corner before the bell sounds. Vince hides in a corner and Carlito keeps HHH away. HHH gets Carlito to step aside but Vince flees the ring when HHH comes at him. Carlito starts to count Vince out, slowly. HHH leaves the ring, chases Vince. Vince enters the ring, HHH follows, Vince leaves again. Carlito starts counting again. HHH leaves the ring and starts beating on Vince. Vince gets bounced off the announce table.
Carlito is yelling at HHH. HHH pushes Carlito to the floor. They re-enter the ring. HHH goes for the pedigree on Vince, but Carlito hits his back cracker on HHH. Vince covers for a very fast two count. “HHH” chants. HHH keeps going after Vince and pushes Carlito away. Carlito calls for the bell.
– Winner: Vince via DQ
HHH stands over Vince but Umaga’s music hits. Umaga comes out and they start fighting. “HHH” chants. Umaga has the upper hand but HHH comes back. HHH hits two clotheslines but doesn’t drop him. Umaga goes for a Samoan drop but HHH wiggles out and hits DDT. Umaga jumps back up and hits a Samoan spike. HHH gets up, gets whipped but gets his feet up in Umaga’s face. HHH falls to the mat and Umaga hits a bum slam. Carlito enters and clotheslines HHH from the ring. Umaga is pissed and screams at Carlito who backs up the ramp. Vince is on the apron but HHH gets the sledge from under the ring. HHH enters the ring, but Vince gets Umaga out fo the ring. Vince tells Umaga to wait until Sunday. (The fans seemed to be going bloody wild during this whole bit – They love HHH!)
There’s two chairs set up in the ring. Santino and Maria come out. Maria is in leopard print, a corset and a micro-mini. Santino says it’s Marella At The Movies. He’s reviewing the Condemned. He rips it apart. Maria says she likes Stone Cold and it was a lot of fun. Santino rips it apart some more and says ti could have been special if it had a real star. Someone with charisma, someone the camera loves, like him. They show a clip, but Santino talks over it, adding his own bit to end it. He says there’s a job somewhere, at dinner theater or somewhere.
Val’s music and he comes out. Santino bitches about being interrupted all the time. Val says he’s done a lot of movies. Santino says Val did a take-off of Shrek and he’s ashamed of what Val did to that poor donkey. Val says Maria would be great in Val’s movies.
Santino tries to drag her away. Val says she’s at a cross-roads. She could star with him or in a movie about Santino’s lovemaking – Super Bad. Santino attacks Val and works over his left knee pretty hard.
Santino then drags Maria away and up the ramp.
Grisham is out back with Cena who gets mixed reviews from the fans. Grisham says that “they” say Cena might have lost his match due to psychological standpoint. Cena says he wants to talk about “they”. They says a lot of things. That Cena’s lost it, that he sucks, that Grisham has naked pictures of Umaga on his website. Deep down “they” know NM is Cena’s time. He could be hit with anything Orton can hold, and he will get up. “They” know he will stand tall in the middle of the ring, wearing his own blood if he must, but he will get up. Regardless of what they feels, when the weight of the world is on their shoulders there’s one man who will never quit. Let “them” talk. At NM he will beat Orton so bad “they” will never forget it.
Melina comes out in a red and black version of her wrestling outfit. Video of Melina in the shower last week. Hornswoggle chased her through the back and stole her towel leaving her to run naked. Mickie comes bouncing out in jeans and a white halter.
They lock up and Melina flings Mickie by her hair. They lock up again and Melina gouges Mickie’s eye. Mickie takes Melina down. A back kick to Melina’s gut but Melina then slams Mickie down face first. Mickie gets tossed across the ring and then pulls Mickie’s hair. A foot on Mickie’s neck Melina pulls Mickie’s hair again. Mickie gets kicked in the gut but comes back backing Melina into a corner. A hard forearm to Melina’s face and then Mickie hits and enziguri for two. Mickie gets kicked in the face and covered for two. Mickie takes Melina down. Melina is screaming and about to hit an inverted DDT but she see Hornswoggle pop up from under the ring. Mickie reverses it and rolls Melina up for three.
– Winner: Mickie
Melina goes under the ring. They’re under there for a long moment and Hornswoggle comes out with Melina’s top. Horney enters the ring with the top, thinks for a moment and then goes back under the ring. He comes back out with her bottoms. He dances in the ring for a moment. She sticks her head out a corner, holding the apron close and screams for her clothes. He dances in front of her then runs up the ramp with his trophies.
Hornswoggle is in Regal’s office holding Melina’s clothes. Regal takes them away. Horney kicks himself in the head a couple times. Steve-O shows up, plugs his show and then goes looking for a wuss. Horney has slipped away again. Regal flops down. “Steve-O” chants from the fans.
JR and King go through the matches at No Mercy.
Steve-O comes up to Ron and says Ron’s a bad-ass, but thinks he can make him more manly. He asks if Ron is interested. Ron thinks about it, grabs Steve-O and tosses him head-first through a door. Ron then says… “DAMN!”
Cena’s music and he comes down to the ring.
Cena is still wearing his shirt, wandering the ring. Kennedy’s music and he finally comes out (feel bad for the fans there who had to watch only Cena through the commercial). Kennedy’s mic comes down and he says he doesn’t like Cena. What better way to make a statement than to take out the top dog. What better a man to commit such and act as Mr. Kennedy… Kennedy. Cena takes his shirt of and the women go wild.
They lock up and a side headlock on Cena. Cena pushes out but is taken down by a shoulder block. Cena hits a couple of arm drags into and arm lock. Kennedy goes to the corner to get out. Lean break from both.
Kennedy kicks Cena in the gut an then a blow to the back of Cena’s head. “Cena” chants. Kennedy gets whipped and then a bulldog. A poke to Cena’s eye. “Let’s go Kennedy – Let’s go Cena” chants. Cena leaves the ring, Kennedy follows. Cena gets bounced off the stairs a couple times.
Cena telegraphs and gets a DDT for it. Kennedy covers for two. A headlock on Cena, down on the mat. Cena works his way to his feet. He suplexes out of the hold. Cena locks on the STFU. Kennedy taps out. (Too early for the show to end!)
– Winner: Cena
Orton appears out of nowhere and hits the RKO on Cena. The ref is trying to keep Orton away from Cena. Orton leaves the ring, Cena is on the apron. Orton pulls Cena to the floor. Orton pulls the top section of the stairs off. He hits Cena in the face with them. Orton pulls the cover off the announce table and then a monitor out. Orton nails Cena in the face with a monitor. JR is screaming for help. Orton gets Cena up on the announce table. Cena can barely stand. Orton hits and RKO on the table and it doesn’t break. They are back on the floor and Orton screams off a ten count in Cena’s face. Orton stands up over a dazed Cena.
Video of Kennedy tapping out and the Orton attacking with RKO out of nowhere.
Orton watches from the ring as Cena tries to pull himself to a sitting position.
Out back Ron is talking to someone about Steve-O. Steve-O returns and says that he can’t be thrown out. He’s asked if there’s somewhere he should be? Steve-O says his show will be starting any moment. Ron grabs him again and tosses him back out through the same door.
HHH (by far)